I Was Dumb, And Stupid, And I Let You Down

Do you think that if I killed myself, anyone would miss me? I know I wouldn't. I'm such a horrible person. Here goes the whole dramatic monologue. Seriously, why do I keep hurting the people around me? So today Johnny expressed his true feelings for me. Saying that that was like a bombshell over me doesn't even begin to describe what I felt that moment. I was confused and surprise beyond imagination. I don't blame him though. I mean, I know how I look like and all that, but still, me? Me?! I was shocked. I couldn't speak. I forgot how to speak! Me, KitKat Sarah Curtis, forgot how to speak. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. God I really didn't. But what else could I have done? Yes, I was curious to know who his and Ponyboy's crush was, but I never, in my dreams thought it would be me. I guess I could have lied and tell him I loved him back but that would it have truly made us happy? Maybe. I don't know. God I'm such an idiot. I need a pillow right now. Just sink my head and scream. Johnny I really didn't want to hurt your feelings. I'm truly sorry. I feel horrible. I wouldn't blame you if you hate me. Gosh, I think I would never see you again. I bet you would love to avoid me the rest of your life. Anyway, after we talked, and basically crushed Johnny's heart, I went to my hotel room, straight there, I don't want to talk to anyone. I'll go see Carson later, when everyone is gone. I'm just going to lock myself in the closet and die.