How Do You Do The Things That You Do?

So after one really weird and kind of dramatic weekend, Sodapop My Hero Curtis, decided to throw a party at our house. It was totally what I need it. First of all, Blair took me to one on Thursday because well, I was (still am) feeling guilty for blowing Johnny off, we went to Buck's and Blair can tell you this, I didn't enjoy it. So we headed back home early. Friday was, well, as any other day could go. I spend the whole time saying, only *insert number of school days left here*. Brookie spend the whole time practically doing the happy dance and I could only know why. Aw. I went directly home to take a nap before the party. I know, that's all I do, but whatever. Anyway, I woke up and got ready. I put on a white blouse, a pair of jeans, and since I already got my heels back, yay!!!!, I put them on too! Then, I just turn my hair into a ponytail and simple makeup. I spend a whole deal of time trying to figure out if I should invite Mark or not. You know, after what happened with Johnny, I didn't want to give him a hard time. But Dawn finally convinced me that I should. Love you chica. And so, before the party started, I went to pick him up. He doesn't live that far from my house, actually we live in the same neighbourhood, but he has never been at my house and well, I wanted to spend some alone time with him, since, I know I wouldn't get much of it at the party. So we stay outside for quite some time. We just walked around the neighbourhood. Until I realized I had a party going on at my house. We challenged each other to the door, and let me tell you, he is pretty fast, but not fast enough for me, well a little, anyway, we ended up bumping into my door since we didn't want to draw. That caused the whole gang to look at us with weird looks on their faces and I think it was Two-Bit who said: "What on earth were you two doing?" Followed by one of his usual comments. So we stood up and introuducced Mark to the gang. Sigh. The boys, except Johnny, all interrogated him! I was so embarrassed and Darry and Pony weren't even there! Guys, I want him to stick around you know. So we started partying pretty much until it started to snow! Snow people, snow! Then, the phone rang and Sodapop asked me if I could go and pick Brookie and Ponyboy up at school. I didn't really mind, but it was really annoying driving in snow. But whatever for you two kiddos. I took out my heels and put on some converse and a jacket and got out. I told Mark to stay and he looked at me with a look that clearly said: "Don't leave me." But I laughed and warned the guys. "I want him alive when I get home." When I got to school, I saw Brookie and Ponyboy waiting. Pony had placed his jacket on Brookie and had his arm around her. Aw cuties. I touched my heart and refrained from making comments about it to my little brother. We were back home ten minutes later. Then, I just called Mark out and we had a snowball fight. Which was really fun. It was so damn cold too. That was until we really couldn't take it anymore. We ran again to my door and before I reached for the doorknob, he grabbed my arm towards him. We stood there in front of my house, staring at each other. He took a leave from the ground and place it on top of us. "Look, mistletoe." He said and I laughed. "That's not mistletoe dummy." He smiled and took my hand. "Well, we'll just have to pretend it it." And we kissed. And the peeping toms from inside opened the door. Thanks guys. Really.

Anyway, we started to play a weird game Soda brought up called "Just Rolling Through" or something like that. We had to pass an apple through a guys legs. A-W-K-A-R-D. We teamed up boys and girls, and when it was finally my turn, Mark and I did something else. I took the apple with my mouth and instead of passing it through Mark's pants, I placed it in his mouth. No hands. And he started eating it, and so did I. We are very competitive. We were seeing who ate the apple the fastest and almost ended up choking! Everyone was kind of looking at us weird and laughed. What can I say? I'm just different. We had to find another apple for the game to continue. Sodapop and Katie won, it was hilarious to see them. I was like: "Katie you can just take his pants off, I don't think he'll mind." Before I continue, I just like to say on my behalf that, I wasn't that drunk! I just drank like three bottle of beers. Not much. Well, not much compared to before. And then, we have a dance off, and this time I so won!!! No one is match for my moves. Then, we continued to do more partying. Honestly, I tried to avoid Johnny the whole party, even though I'm pretty sure he did the same. I think he was talking about me with Soda, but I don't think he really listen. What a pal Sodapop! I spend the rest of the evening playing, chatting, and snogging Mark and catching up with Jell-O Winston! Miss you girl. And, then, we fall asleep, and by 'we' I mean Mark and I. Who else? There was hardly any place left in the floor, so we just slept on one of my brother's room. Dunno which. And just slept. Nothing more people. Don't get your hopes up.

I Was Dumb, And Stupid, And I Let You Down

Do you think that if I killed myself, anyone would miss me? I know I wouldn't. I'm such a horrible person. Here goes the whole dramatic monologue. Seriously, why do I keep hurting the people around me? So today Johnny expressed his true feelings for me. Saying that that was like a bombshell over me doesn't even begin to describe what I felt that moment. I was confused and surprise beyond imagination. I don't blame him though. I mean, I know how I look like and all that, but still, me? Me?! I was shocked. I couldn't speak. I forgot how to speak! Me, KitKat Sarah Curtis, forgot how to speak. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. God I really didn't. But what else could I have done? Yes, I was curious to know who his and Ponyboy's crush was, but I never, in my dreams thought it would be me. I guess I could have lied and tell him I loved him back but that would it have truly made us happy? Maybe. I don't know. God I'm such an idiot. I need a pillow right now. Just sink my head and scream. Johnny I really didn't want to hurt your feelings. I'm truly sorry. I feel horrible. I wouldn't blame you if you hate me. Gosh, I think I would never see you again. I bet you would love to avoid me the rest of your life. Anyway, after we talked, and basically crushed Johnny's heart, I went to my hotel room, straight there, I don't want to talk to anyone. I'll go see Carson later, when everyone is gone. I'm just going to lock myself in the closet and die.

Three Simple Words

I'm scared. For the first time in all my life I want to lay on my bed and cry. Yeah cry. For the first time I want to hug someone and just lose it. The truth is, I don't feel loved. I know what you're thinking, you got Mark and your new best friend Talan and us. But the truth is, even in a group full of people, I feel more alone than ever. What's happening to me, I cannot tell. I don't like when the gang fights between themselves. This whole Pony and Johnny thing, well, its tearing me apart inside. The other day, as you may know, I took Pony over to Johnny's and Brooke's apartment so he could sort this whole thing out. He said Johnny wasn't home, but I didn't believe him. It was written in his eyes. He was hurt, and so was I, but I didn't know, not at that moment. I asked him if he knew I loved him, but he just moved his head up and down. I wanted him to say it back. It's been a while since someone said that to me. And the truth is, I really do need the words. My brothers, well, they assume I know, and yeah, I do know they love me, but to hear it, that just brightens my day. You all want to know why I used to get drunk all the time? It's not entirely true that it helps me forget I'm a greaser. I'm ok with that, I don't really mind. The truth is, when I get drunk, I don't feel. So it doesn't matter if no one has said 'I love you' in a while. I just forget. But now that I had stopped drinking, well, I feel, 'cause KitKat Curtis does have feelings, in case many of you didn't know.

I know I'm probably boring you with this whole thing. But it was something I really needed to get off my chest. I need a hug right now, so desperately. And a shoulder that would understand. I feel like I'm there for everyone, but no one is there for me. It's not that I do things expecting the same in return but a little sign of caring is nice every once in a while. Johnny, I'm not mad at you. Like I'm not mad at Pony. I understand you, somehow. Don't be mad at him guys. Please, do it for me. I had a pretty shitty week as it is. I can't stand seeing the whole gang falling apart. We are family and family sticks together and family loves each other. There's a tear rolling down my eyes. All I want is to know someone out there loves me. It does sound pretty dramatic when you listen to it again. And maybe it's not the time to say it, taking into consideration what's been happening around me. But I have had it inside me for so long and before I do something stupid, because I don't want Blair killing me again, and as Carson said, I'm not letting things bottled up.

Pony, I don't mind that you're not sleeping at our house. You need to your time, I understand. Just know, I love you no matter what, even though you sometimes don't. Soda, I'm sorry I was a jerk with you the other day. I let my anger take over me and yelled at you. Sorry. I apologize for blaming you for all the shitty stuff that would come out of this pregnancy. You don't deserve it. You are a great brother. Tell Katie I look forward to spend more time with her and making her one of my best friends. I'm here for you whenever you need me. Darry, eventhough we don't agree on much you have showed me true strengh. Keeping things together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart. I love you and wish the best for you in Colleage. I've gotten a part-time job, so I can help you with the bills. You have hold me up for so many years, it's my time to pay you back. Sigh. I guess I'm really messed up aren't I?

You're So Good To Me, Baby.

So today I had a pretty great night, scratch that, I had an amazing night! In every aspect of the word. So you all remember how Jamie hook me up with one of her boyfriend's friends right? Well, let's just say that I am eternally grateful to her. Love ya, Jamie! After school I was kind of excited. Not that much, because I had a lot of things on my mind. A lot of drama going on in my life and a date with a guy I didn't know, didn't exactly clear my mind about things. I went home alone, for Ponyboy was still talking to his teachers about making up the work he missed, or something between the lines of that. At home, all I wanted to do was lie down on the bed and sleep. And, believe it or not, that's what I did. You can guess what my exciment and eagerness level was. I'm not sure when I finally fell asleep, but I did, until Sodapop came into the room to wake me up saying that Jamie had called to remind me of hanging out with her and Andrew tonight. I got up, without complain and took a quick shower to finally wake me up. (Yes I did bring my towel with me. After the perveric scene with Ponyboy, I will never forget.) You wouldn't believe how long it took me to get ready. And it wasn't really that much. I put on a red blouse, a pair of jeans, and my mom's heels. Which remainds me: "Blair you NEED to return me my black high heels! Or else..." I waved my hair and with a long sigh and a deep breath, headed for the door, however, not without a talk with the boys. Sigh. The boys. Darry pulled me to the kitchen and with Soda and Pony at his side, he gave me "the talk". I guess older brothers ARE the same everywhere. You can just imagine what he said. The same babbling stuff every girl gets, but what I said took me out of guard. "Darry," I started. My voice broke up. I was struggling with the words. Like I wanted to say something but at the same time, I didn't. "I'm, I'm scared." Awwww. Yep people. KitKat Curtis is scared of a romantic relationship. Now the world is really spinning out of control. Darry smiled. One of those warm smiles I had never seen him do. He got closer and hugged me, well, make that a group hug. "Guys, can't breath." Did I mention I was in the middle? Yeah, not good. They let go, remembering I was a girl and I chuckled. The way to Andrew's place was longer than I had expected. Jamie, piece of advice, when you're giving directions to someone else, make sure they are clear. I was wondering around his neighbourhood for twenty minutes, trying to find which was his house.

But when I finally got it right, I was not dissapointed with what I saw. I rang the doorbell and Andrew, well I figured he was Andrew, open the door and smiled at me. "You must be Kitty? Right?" Kitty? Kitty? Did he just called me a cat? Miau. "KitKat." I said. "Or Kit, KittyKat, or Curtis, or a bunch of more nicknames but I'm sure we can leave that to another occation." I said. Jamie walked towards us and winked at me when she saw me. "Well, as you know this is Andrew and this guy over here....." She lead me towards Mark, who was sitting in a couch but stood up at my sight. "Is Mark. Your date." She said. I looked over to Mark. God I felt awkard. Really awkard. Mark took a step closer to me. Yay, he was tall. "Hey, I'm KitKat Curtis. Jamie's friend." I said. For the first time in all my life, I wasn't sure what to say. The world was really spinning out of control. Mark smiled. "Yeah I know. Jamie here told me all about you." I smiled and turn to look at Jamie. "She did huh? All bad I hope." I turned to look at Mark. "And all true." Jamie called from where she was standing. We laughed. Yay for the awkardness. Note: If you ever want to have me speechless, hook me up with some guy I don't know and tell me it's a date. That would probably come in handy for my brothers. Anyway, we stood like that for some long five minutes. I'm not sure about Mark, but I was fighting with myself trying to get my charismatic traits to work and establish conversation. "Hey love birds, the movie is tonight." Someone, I'm not sure who it was, either Andrew or Jamie, called from the front door. "You know what. I think it would be a better idea if Kit and I stayed here." Mark said with a cheerful voice. I turned to look at him, now being my usual self. "Well, this is a monarchy and I rule. So let's go to that movie because I say so." I said smiling. He chuckled. "As you wish my Queen." I grabbed him by the arm and followed Andrew and Jamie. The movie was one word. Dull. But it was the only one they were playing, so we went in. But it wasn't that bad. At least it wasn't for me. Mark kept me laughing all the movie. Actually, while Andrew and Jamie were kissing, that's what we did, laugh. Until it came a time that a guard had to get us out of the room because we were 'disrupting' the entertainment. Whatever. Still, that didn't stop us. Even outside, we kept on laughing and laughing and laughing. When the movie ended and Andrew and Jamie catched up with us -I don't think they even noticed we were kicked out. They were so into themselves- we went for some pizza. And kept laughing. Jamie and Andrew kept looking at us as if we were cuckoo. I think we annoyed them a little, but hey, it was better than making out and totally ignoring the other couple. But we got them into our conversation so it was all well. Finally, we said good-bye to Andrew and Jamie, and went out way.

We weren't sure were to go, so we just wandered around town, trying to stay as close as possible to our side of town, since I wasn't up to beat someone tonight or have to see Mark do the same. We were walking through a park, when I suddenly felt like being a kid once more. There was a rocket ship there. A red nose points to the sky. Metal bars run from the nose all the way down to blue fins holding the ship off the ground. Between the nose and the finds are three platforms, connected by three ladders. On the top level is a steering wheel. On the mid level is a slide that leads down to the playground, or what's left of the playground. "Try to catch me." I poked Mark and ran towards the rocket. Through one of the three ladders I climbed up to the upper level. From up there, I watched Mark smiled as he reached the rocket. "That's not fair. You had advantage." I smiled. "Oh poor baby. I'm sure you'll figure something out." He smiled, his smile was truly special. Sencire, yet childish. "I'll come up and get you." He said. "No!" I called. "I'll be right down. Let me take the slide." I said. Then, he said three magical words, I had never heard anyone tell me before. "I'll catch you." Dissapointed? Let's hope not. You can just imagine how hard and fast my heart was pounding. I felt it was going to free itself from my chest. I climbed down the top ladder and sat on the slide. I looked down at Mark, who had his arms open, ready to catch me. I was nervous. I was scared. I pushed off. My hair was flying behind me. He raised his arms to catch me, I raised mine so he could. And then, without warning, or even a slight hint of what his actions would be, he kissed me as I literally slide into his arms. And it was one word. Beautiful. I kissed back and we stayed like that for several wonderful minutes. There wasn't anything awkard about it. Just a kiss. Unexpected, but that's the best kind. When we pushed back, and it took us some time to push back, Mark grabbed my hand and walked me over to the swings. And he pushed me as I swung high in the sky. And then... And then what happened? We left.

I opened the door to my house and started to walk in dancing. Darry looked at me with one 'wtf' looks that I was so used to now a days. Katie and Soda where there and they smiled at me, followed by Soda telling something about me to Darry that I couldn't quite hear, but defenetley about me. I walked into my room and lay down in the bed. I couldn't sleep. I wasn't tired. All I could think of where two things: Mark. And a thank-you note for Jamie.

Look Around You, All This People Didn't Make It.

I had enough of it. I couldn't wait. It couldn't wait. Not another day, not another second. I had been spending all day over at the hospital with Two-Bit, since last night. I didn't even bother to go to school. He needed someone there, and I was not going to let him go through all of this alone just because I had to learn some stupid shit. But when Blair and Jamie and Brooke and the rest of the gang, except Darry and Sodapop who were working, showed up, I figured Two-Bit was well taken cared of. So I decided to do something that had been bothering me for some time now. I went over to the first pay phone I could find and called Talan. I only requested one thing. His care and a bit of luck. I was kind of tired, but that could wait, while what I needed to do, couldn't. Not if I wanted to succeed. I sneak around the hospital and don't ask how, but I got hold of a nurse's costume. Mission: Get Ponyboy out of there for a ride he will never forget. I avoided the gang's whereabouts and headed to Ponyboy's room. Yes, they were in the same hospital. Lucky me. There was no one there. I almost felt bad for Pony. But he didn't mind, he was asleep. I shook him to wake up and told him to get ready. Of course he was like: "What the fuck KitKat?!" I didn't look at him, I just got him out of bed and placed a 'disguize' in his place. I threw him some clothes and once he was dressed, I grabbed him by the shirt and got out. He kept asking questions over and over again, but I kept shutting him up. You just can't stay quiet can you Pony? We almost reached the elevator when another nurse bump into us. Pony frooze and I'm pretty sure I did the same, but immediatly let it go. The nurse eyed Pony and then back at me. "Where are you taking young Mr. Curtis?" She asked. I'm pretty sure Pony was about to scream: "She's kidnapping me!" But I stepped on his left foot and spoke. "He needs check-up. I'm taking him to Dr. (I made the name up) Hamilton's office. He's been under observation far too long and the purple lids under his eyes are sign of uncessfull recovery." The nurse smiled and I did the same. Thank god I took health class once. "Very well. See you later Mr. Curtis." She said and went her way. I pressed the elevator's door and once it opened got in, dragging Ponyboy with me. He chuckled and said: "You could make a good nurse." I didn't even look at him, but with a cold tone just said. "Shut up."

I took him out of the hospital through the back door. He was still confused but I figure, still too drunk to make sense out of anything. I smiled as Talan was there, waiting, leaning on his car door. "Hey." He said. "Hi." Pony looked at me with a face of 'and this is?...' "Talan this is Ponyboy, my younger brother. We're going for a ride and I need someone to cover for him. Would you mind?" I said as Pony and Talan shook hands. He looked from me to Ponyboy and then back to me. "I guess that explains the nurse's costume. Don't worry Kit. I'll cover for him." I smiled and got closer to whisper in his ear what he needed to do. He smiled and hand me his keys. "Don't worry. Easy enough." I smiled and watched Talan walk back to the hospital. I got Pony on the passenger's seat and got in myself. I turned the engine on and started to drive. Finally Ponyboy said: "Where the hell are we going?" I kept my glanze straight in the road. "You'll find out soon enough." It took me ten minutes to get to my destination. I don't usually drive around town, and it kind of pissed me off when I had to stop at EVERY SINGLE red light. But anyway, we got there. I shut the door behind me and Pony looked at me with an expression that clearly said 'WTF?!' For all of you who haven't figured it out. We were in a graveyard. Yay. "Just walk." I said to Pony and he followed without question. Good boy. We went around the graveyard for a long time. Through rows and rows of tombstones. Until we finally reached the line I was most interested in. I turned to look at Pony. "What do you see?" He turned to look at me with another 'WTF?!' expression but answered. "Tombstones? I guess." "What do you see in the tombstones?" "Names." I was pretty sure Pony thought I was retarted, asking all those questions, but they had to be asked. He needed to understand once and for all. "These are tombstones of people. People who died." See what I mean? "People who any day would love to switch places with you. People who didn't make it. Whose luck wasn't on their side. People who like you, thought nothing could happen to them." I took a deep breath and started to read the names in five tombstones. "Lisa Patterson. She died at 15. Got hit by a car, drunk." I pointed to another tombstone. "Richard Auron. Died at 19. Alcoholic." Next. "Betty Williams. Died at 13. Alcoholic." Next. "Dwayne Wright. Died at 16. Car crash while drunk." I walked over to the last tombstone. This one didn't have a name on it. Or a date. It was just there, waiting for another helpless soul to protect. "And you, if you continue to do what you are doing." Ponyboy looked at me with fear and confusion. He was speechless. Probably horrified. And that was a good thing. If it took a good scare to finally make him come to his senses, then a scare was what he was going to get. "I'm going to tell you this as an adult. You're are going to die if you don't cut it out. And your name will be encripted into this stone. You want that? You were lucky to survive this one. Don't push your luck Ponyboy, 'cause luck is famous to turn its back on you when you most need it. This people drank for the same reasons you and I drink. 'Cause it helps us clear our mind. It helps us forget we're greasers. I'm sorry for the way I have been leaving my life. I'm going to stop too. And it's not going to be easy. It's going to be really tough, but I'm willing to do it, 'cause I want to be a better person. And so should you." There was a long pause. But then, I continued. "It's not worth it, Pony. Life's too short to waste it on getting high. And I'm sorry I realized it so late. Maybe, if I had realized it before, I could have prevented this. But it didn't and I just got to deal with it. When you passed out and ended it the hospital, that was the biggest wake-up call I ever had. It's the biggest wake-up call you ever had. Choose the right path Pony. Don't make the sames mistakes I did, or that this people did. I can't rewind the past and change it, but I change the future. And so can you." I walked towards Pony and hugged him. Hugged him as hard as I could. And never let go. "Now, you're going to get back to that hospital and you're going to get better. Or I'll beat the hell out of you." I said and we both laugh.

Life Sucks, And Then You Die.

About four things I am absolutley positive: First, Ponyboy was in the hospital. And all because of me. That's right. What part of older sister didn't I got inside my stupid head? I'm like his role model, well, not role model to be precise, 'cause I'm pretty sure he looks forward to other much more worthy people than me, but yes his example. I mean, what I do somehow affects him. Perfect example: Yesterday night. I'm always drinking. Why? Because I like it. I like getting high, as if I didn't already do that with just plain living. It helps me clear my mind. It helps me relax. It....it helps me forget I'm a greaser. Go figure. So if I enjoy it too much, Ponyboy can assume he will enjoy it too. After all, nothing bad has happened to me. All he thinks is, nothing can happen to him. That was just the cup to my splendid end of the week, beginning of another. Second, Sherri Fucking Valance messing around with Ponyboy. As if I didn't already hated her guts for doing what she did to my brother, but finding her at the waiting room wanting to see Pony, just about ruined my day. I wanted to, and I guess I would have if Darry hadn't hold me down, beaten the hell out of her. Just wait sweetie, I wouldn't be wandering alone through the streets if I were you. Now, I know violence is never the answer. But it is an answer. And it is far easier than sitting to talk your problems, which if you ask me, would never happen. For one simple thing. I can't stand the sight of that red-head. Third, Soda's becoming a dad. Yay! Sarcasm anyone? I don't understand why every single one of you - sorry I'm generalizing- most of you all you want to do is have sex. What's so good about sex anyone? Cross that. I don't want to know, and I'm pretty sure others don't want to know either. The point is, sex is meant for making babies! Did you all skip Human Anatomy 101 class or what? And preferably when you're married and mature enough to have them!!! Hello people, what part of 'we're only teenagers ourselves' haven't you understand? No condom, no pill, no nothing is 100% safe! If you don't want to get pregnant or become a father, as simple as it is, don't do it! And fourth, life sucks and then you die. 'Cause somehow, the choice some people make screw us all. Like me for example, since Soda is becoming a dad, that means, the rest of us, Darry, Pony, and me are becoming uncles and aunt. Did I want that? Yeah, maybe. But at 20 something. Not 17! Not 17 people! Not 17! We will all have to stick to the consequences and only God knows how this is going to hit us.

Now I got all of that off my chest, and so, I can continue to tell you how my day went after I found out the truth. Sodapop had just told me I was going to be an aunt. Well, let's just begin by telling that I didn't kill him then and there because God is saint. But I swore, I was not angry, furious at him. Maybe not at him, or Katie, but surely at that thing inside her stomach. I guess you know by now all the things I yelled at him. We have always been closed and we have never fought. But I guess there is always a first time. I sure scared myself at that moment. Anyway, I couldn't see him, or Katie, or Ponyboy, or anyone. Not even Talan. I got out of the house, and just ran and ran and ran. I didn't ran away, and I'm not going to ran away. What is that useful for? It's not like my problems are going to faith. They're going to eventually catch up with me, whether I like it or not. What did I tell you? Life sucks. Until I reach the point that I couldn't run anymore. I screamed. Screamed with all I had. Screamed for once and for all. And that, unfortunately, made matters much worse. A red corvette pulled over where I was. Holy shit. You can picture the image. Out of the car, got five socs. Girls. Shit. I swear, I would have loved to have seen boys. But oh no. Life didn't like me. It was that pathetic little blondie girl and her gang of minions. I'll make a long story short. Some words here, some words there, a punch or two. more words, get a blade in, and then voulá! Add it all together and what do you get? Me lying on the floor with blood running down my cheeks and neck and all I want to do is cry. But I don't. 'Cause I can't. 'Cause it doesn't feel right. So I got up, clean what was left of myself to clean (it's just a figure of speech, don't worry) and walk over to the only place I want to be. An apartment. Luckily for me, psst, Brooke was there. She looked horrified when she saw me. And just as she was about to talk, I placed my hand over her mouth and placed a finger over my mouth. Translation: Don't talk. I let go and walk over to the first open door I see. A bedroom. And lock myself from the world for what's left of my doom.

Let Me Hear You Say 'Hey, Hey, Ho'!

So just as I thought this was just another normal winter's Thursday, it turned out to be one of the best days of my life. Well, it doesn't exactly enter that category, but I did enjoy it full speed and wished it hadn't end. So I woke up, took a shower, eat breakfast, and went to school. As you can see it was just another normal day. Today I felt way better after Tuesday's little incident. When Darry came home and Sodapop told him all about my little encounter with the bitch aka Janet, he came to my room to check on me and gave me a home-made remedy for the dizziness, nausea, and sickness, followed by a long speech of "You should've known better." Anyway, I didn't kill Janet today. Although I did wished I had, but I didn't want to get in trouble and end up in a girl's home. I can't wait till I'm 18 and out of this mess and can do whatever the hell I want to. But I did saw her and with all the kindness I could manage, I showed her my middle finger. I'm so nice right? You should've seen the look on her face, followed by my 'you'll get over it' look. So that about just made my day.

School was, well, as far as school can get. Sometimes boring, sometimes fun, sometimes annoying, you get the picture. But today, it was defenetly entertaining. So I was on my way to lunch when, you won't believe this, of all people, Sherri Valance walked up to me and said: "You'd been telling the whole senior class that I'm a slut?" I half looked at her, enjoying myself, this was way better than beating her. She had never in my life talked one word to me, but this sure was an enjoyable conversation. "So what if I did? At least I didn't go looking for it." I said, trying very hard to not burst out laughing and keeping my cool. She looked at me with disgust, as if I was the one sleeping with every boy I could get my hands on. "Look Sherri," Yep I called her Sherri. "You just stay away from my brother, 'cause it's your fault Kristi doesn't direct a word to Ponyboy. Now you better do as you said and avoid him during school because you are so much better than us." I said and headed towards the cafeteria. I could feel her look thrust upon me, but I couldn't help but smile and chuckled, of course I didn't let her know. Could this day get any better? I'm sorry Ponyboy, but I just had to.

Anyway, when school ended I was heading straight home, when one of my school friends (not buddies, just plain friends), Deanna, came over to me and asked me if I wanted to go to a party later that night. And my answer was? What else? Yes, of course. Deanna is part of the Middle Class and the good thing about her is, she doesn't care what your address is, one of the many reasons I like her. I smiled to myself as I headed back home. This day could defenetly get better. So at my house I did my homework like super mega ultra fast. It was Chemistry, so it was like piece of cake. And basically waited for Darry to come back home so I could tell him. I sat on the couch and watched T.V. until Ponyboy came in with Kristi. They sat on the couch next to me and saw the movie that was playing with me, until they started snogging. I rolled my eyes. At least they weren't over each other.... Yep, they were. So I stood up, since they had literally pushed me off the couch and headed for my room. "Don't worry about me, you can have the couch. I didn't even want to see the movie. I had to do some stuff anyway, so yeah." There, I looked for an outfit to wear to the party. This was defenetily not Buck's so, anything would not do. I put on a strapless white blouse and a jean skirt. THE TYPE THAT DARRY DOES ALLOW! :/ I went searching for some heels in my mother's closet 'cause the only pair I have are over at Blair's. And have been for the last three months. But just saying. So I did the whole make-up and hair thing, and finally, Darry came home, followed by Sodapop. He was surprised to see me dressed like that and was like: "Where are you going?" "Well, I was invited to a party tonight so, I'm going out." Notice how I said 'I'm going' and not asked my permission. That's the clue ladies, always be in control. "Buck's? You know how I feel about you going there." I rolled my eyes. The truth is, Darry hates when I go to Buck's 'cause usually I get so drunk I pass out. "No, I'm going to a party, that's all." I said and before he could answer, the doorbell rang and I headed towards the door. I knew it was Deanna, 'cause no one of you people ever knocks or rings the bell. I shut the door followed by a "Don't do anything reckless. Come back early. And most importantly, don't sleep with anyone you have known for under 15 minutes." Sigh.

The party was, to my surprise, at a Soc's house. I could just see my day going down. I just hope I didn't see 'Slut' Valance there. Deanna introuducced me to her friends and for the first time in all my life, I felt awkard around a bunch of people. Go figure. So the party went, as any party could go, though this was like ten times better than a typical night at Buck's. Until I saw, the slut, again. Why couldn't she just stay at her home? I was wondering around that big house, looking well, for a man. 'Cause everyone has a boyfriend of girlfriend and I'm at the bottom of the social ladder. That simply cannot be. And I found one. Unfortunately. I was just standing there, trying to figure out what the hell was I doing in a place I defenetely don't belong by all means and purposes, when a guy came by me. "Hey pretty lady do you want to share a drink with me?" What else could I have said? He was gorgeous. "But of course." He smiled and took me by his arm to a little living room, everyone was using to make out. "I'll be right back sweetheart." He said and stood up to get something to drink. When he came back he had to cups of champange. Yep people, champange. I had never in my entire life taste that. It's far too expensive for out budget, and this time I had the opportunity to get one for free. "By the way, I'm Michael." He said. "KitKat." I said. He looked at me funny. That's just the bad thing about telling someone your name when you belong to my family. I was expecting the funny comment but what I got was much more worse. "No thank you." I was like what the fuck. "No, KitKat." I said again. "No seriously, I don't want any chocolate, I just want to know your name." Sigh to a hundred times. "No you don't understand, KitKat." I said pointing to myself. The guy smiled warmly and I was finally glad he had understood me. Not. "Ok, if you insist." I was about to slap myself. Could he be any more damn stupid?! "No, my name is 'KitKat'." I said and stood up to leave him with his fancy drink, lack of brains, and still hopes to get the chocolate. That just kind of piss me off all the way. So I started dancing like crazy. Then, a group of girls, Soc girls, came over to me and kind of surrounded me. There were five against one. Shit. The one at the front was a honey blonde girl, I could have swear she was in my class. She spoke first. "What are you doing here Greaser? Don't you got your own white trash party to attend to? Or should I say, charity case?" I could have swore I would have hit her, but that wouldn't be too lady-like now would it? This battle had to be fought with words and so I did. Not too good to be honest, but I did. "You know what? You're right, but then again, if I leave this party would just be another snob show. You should thank me for making this a little bit more, what's the word? Decent? Perhaps?" See? I'm no good with fighting with words. The blondie one took a step closer. We were face to face, inches from each other. I swear, for a moment I thought she was going to kiss me, or I hit her. "Get out Greaser. Or I'll have you thrown out, and I don't think that would be pretty." I was about to speak, when someone from behind did for me. "She can't be thrown out, because she's with me." I saw the blonde one give me one of those hatred glanzes and turn around, followed by her little minions. "Thanks." I said and turned around to see a gorgeous face. Even more gorgeous than the one before. "No problem." The guy said. I was about to walk away to avoid another scene like the other, when the guy caught my arm and gently turn me around. "So, since we are technically together, thanks to me, would you like to maybe have a drink with me." I stood there for a moment, not sure what to say. It's not that I'm shy around guys, c'mon, I basically live with them, but, I just wasn't sure what this was going to led to. I couldn't go for another 'No I don't want chocolate' scene. Shit this was even more difficult than before. Where were my friends when I needed them. They could have just hit me on the back so I could speak. "Um, sure, why not?" I said and started to walk with him. He took me to another room where there was kind of like a bar counter and we both sat down. "You want me to order for you or..." "No," I cut him off. "I can do it all by myself." I said with my now normal cheerful voice. He chuckled and the waiter came over to us. I couldn't help but think 'this people are so damn rich they have a bar in their own house'. "Yes?" The guy said. "Mmm, let's see, I want a cherry booze and he..." I turn to look at him. "You look like the type for mango," Then I turn to look at the waiter. "Yep and a mango booze too. Thank you." I turn to look at the guy, he chuckled. "Woah, you do love to be in control don't you?" "Well, I live with three brothers back at home, so someone has to be in control." I said. He leaned closer and I froze. "I'm Talan." He said. I suddenly felt relief. I wanted to say that's a funny name, but then again, I'm like the last person that can say that. "Nice to meet you Talan, I'm KitKat." I said, kind of waiting to the 'chocolate' scene but somehow not expecting to come from this guy. "KitKat, that is a very pretty name. Unique also. Kind of like yourself." Awwww. "Why thank you." He turned towards the dancing floor and then back at me. "Want to dance?" I look at the dance floor too, then back at him. "You haven't danced in your life unless you have dance with me." I said. He chuckled and took me by his arm.

We are staying just like friends. Because well, there is nothing really special going on between us. I just found my best friend, that's all, kiddos. Don't get your hopes up.

Officially: Worst Day Of My Life.

So you would think a girl like me would someday learn. Beep. Incorrect answer. I swear, one of this days I'm going to get myself killed! So what could you expect of a boring Tuesday? You wake up, go to school, 'learn', and then come back. Yeah, but it is much more than that when you're a Greaser with very low levels of self-control. I couldn't sleep last night. I was tossing and turning all night long. It's just one of those moments in which I can't get myself to stand still. I'm cool with it, but those it have to happen on a school night?! Of all the hours of the day that it could have happened and it happened on the middle of the night?! Seriously, sometimes I get annoyed with myself. So finally, after five hours of non-resting (if you know me very well, you will know that I can't sleep but until midnight), I finally felt asleep, to find out I had two hours of full rest. Darry had to come shake me up so I would get ready. I groaned and placed the pillow on my head, followed by a warning of using a bucket full of water if I didn't get up in that instant. With the freaking cold that was going on, I didn't want cold water streaming through my face. So, against all my free will, I got up and headed for the bathroom. In such a hurry, I totally forgot my towel. As if it couldn't get any worse. I had to yell to my brothers to get me one, followed by Ponyboy complaining that I always forget my towel and that one of this days he was just going to let it be and see how I manage to get it myself. I was like: "You already see your girlfriend naked, why would you want to see me?" But he just chuckled and hand me the towel.

I took the first thing I saw, took my things, and hurried to the porch were Pony was waiting for me, without getting any breakfast! And if you know me, you know that I can't function without breakfast. When we got to school, there was a fucking rumor about Pony sleeping with Sherri. Just one more thing to piss off my day. I have always hated gossip and rumors. They just get on my nerves. I mean, what the hell do you care if Ponyboy slept with Sherri? A) You don't know if it's true or not and B) it's their problem not yours. I swear I could have beaten some people up if it wasn't for my 'peace and love' inner self to stop me. But I did spend three whole periods and lunch convincing the senior class that my brother hadn't done such thing with the cheerleader and that she was the world's biggest slut for making that up.

The next couple of hours were just as good as they could get, normal. It was but until I got out of school that my shitty day really happened. There was a group of girls I used to hang out with, you know, to try to get more girl-time, at one corner of the building. I don't really talk to them anymore, mostly because the 'leader' Janet Scott, is the world's biggest bitch and I hate her guts, and for me to hate someone, it takes a lot. But anyway, I was on my way to home, alone, when they called me to come over. I don't know why I didn't just ignored them and continue, but I guess it was my annoying inner-self again telling me that ignoring someone when they call you is lack of education and I'm trying to tell the world that Greasers are so much more than white trash. So I went over to them. It was Janet the one who spoke. She was smoking and I hardly understood what she said, not to mention, the smoke was making me cough. And she noticed. She took one step towards me and looked at me with her superiority glanze. "What's the matter Kit? Is the smoke bothering you?" She didn't wait for me to answer. She snapped her fingers to one of her minions and did the only thing she does well, order. She opened the box of cigarrettes and offered me one. I didn't want to. I've never smoked before, and frankly, I didn't want to start now. But you can't say no to Janet. Not if you know what's good for you. "Oh c'mon, it won't kill you." She said and basically placed the cigarrette in my mouth. I coughed like crazy at the sudden smoke traveling my lungs and she laughed. "I have to go." I said without waiting for her response and ran as fast as I could to my house.

It wasn't a pretty evening. I could feel the whole world going round and round and the sudden feeling of sickness conquering me. I shut the door behind me and leaned on it for a second. But just at the same time, I ran to the bathroom. I threw up the whole evening. I hadn't noticed anybody at home when I got there, but there was defenetly someone there. I heard several insiting knocks on the bathroom door but I felt too bad to answer it. Finally the door opened, and in came Sodapop. I was surprised to see him at home, but I didn't care at the moment. All I could think of was: 'I'm going to kill Janet Scott.' He looked at me horrified and if his expression reflected the way I looked, then I looked like shit. I told him everything between one moment of sickness and the other. He picked me up and placed me on the nearest bed and told me to get some rest. I am making myself a promise: NEVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE AM I GOING TO SMOKE ANOTHER CIGARRETTE AND GO THROUGH THE SAME SHIT ONCE AGAIN!!!

Two Words: Par and Tay

So after long hours of having Ponyboy over our heads, Sodapop and I finally manage to get things ready in such a short time. The next time you want to throw a party Ponyboy, tell me at least 24 hours in advance. Its's not that I can't get one done in short notice, I'd never doubt my abilities, but I mean, I can do much more with a little bit more time. But still, I was happy with what I, excuse me, we had accomplish. We had Two-Bit take Darry away from the house. I didn't really see the point in doing so, since he already knew what we were up to, but Soda insisted that it would be way better if Darry was away and then come home to find the 'surprise'. What did they do? I have no idea and for some reason, knowing Two-Bit, I don't want to find out. All that I know is that none of them came back drunk for the party; which is very unusual for Two-Bit, but I guess he was just waiting for the party so he could get drunk in peace.

The party started at 10. It could have started earlier but as I said, I didn't have much time *turns to look at someone*. The gang arrived no later than ten minutes after the given hour. I know, I know, you just can't wait for a good party. Everyone brought something to add. Brooke brought some cookies, which Ponyboy kept on whinning that they make people fat, Steve brought some cokes, Two-Bit brought himself, Dally brought beer!!! Yay! And I Blair and Jamie brought bad news. Apparently their mother and aunt had been arrested this morning. That was pretty bad shit. I knew exactly how they must be feeling. My parents weren't in jail, but they were dead and away. And we had to deal with some fucking stuff about if we had to stay in orphanages or kids homes. I offered them to stay with me and the boys. I had always wanted another girl in the house, since living in a house full of boys you get to know the other gender REALLY well, and I mean REALLY REALLY well. But they said no. Apparently they didn't have the heart to add another kid to Darry's care, but the real reason why was because Dally had asked Blair to move in with him. Drum roll please.

We had to disscuss that for around 45 minutes, trying to convince the girls it wasn't the end of the world. Two-Bit, well, let's just say that he'd been through some even more shitty stuff before. So finally, Blair was going to stay with Dally, Jamie with Brooklyn's aunt and uncle, and Two-Bit could do whatever he wanted. There was a uncomfortable silence at the end of the conversation. Kind of when there is a thin line hanging on top of you of sadness and hatred for the world. So I got up, turned the music up, and convinced the girls that there was no better way to get cheered up than a party at the Curtis'. So we dance and chat and played and drink and did all kinds of stuff. At some point, Blair was going on and on and on about playing seven minutes in heaven. I was like what the fuck, you're going to move in with Dally and have all the minutes you want with him doing you know what, so let's leave it like that. The real reason was, well, they were 12 of us, so there was a 70% chance that I could end up with either a girl or one of my brothers. Yeah, not pretty. So we let that be, although Two-Bit promised that we would do that another time. God help me.

As for me, you can just imagine what I kept on doing. Well, no one asked Dally to bring beer. Well, I did, but that's not the point, he could have as well ignored me. Right? ... So I don't remember what happened next and knowing me I don't think it was pretty. If you are all really good friends you won't help me remember. Yeah, like that's gonna happen. Sigh. Just make it as painfree as possible.

Okhlahoma University Here He Comes!

As you may or may not know, for that matter, Darry has been not only accepted, but also offered a full scholarship to Okhlahoma's Community Colleage!!! I think I speak for all my brothers and the gang when I say that we are all very proud of you Darry. It was tough at first, having to give up your colleage dream to stay and take care of us and maintain the house. But after hard work you finally got it! You're just anothe example that nothing is impossible if you set your mind into it. I hope one day I can be in the same shoes as you are now.

Yes, contemplate the cheesy and sentimental lines. Anyway, Soda and I just got a little time to process the news when Ponyboy was already getting us to do the arrangements for a party in Darry's honor tonight. Yay a party. So things are going smoothly with all the preparations. Ponyboy has been over our heads with this thing. He's been bossing us around. In a good way of course. So you're all invited and you can bring whatever you want (yes whatever), and even come early and help us get everything ready.

Happy New Year!

I gotta say: This day was really weird compared to others. Not only by the fact that today, well yesterday to be more precise, makes the complete revolution around the sun and closes the cycle in what should be happiness and fun memories. So I got up around 10 a.m. Rather early, well early for me anyway, taking into consideration that it is winter holidays and all that. And went over to Buck's for a little hang over. I'm not entirely sure what happen, I was so drunk I hardly remember. Hehe. But what I do was, that when I got there, there was a party going on. I mean who starts a party at 10 in the morning? Yeah, weird. But then I figured, it might be the continuation of one started the last night, so what the hell. I'm only going to be young one, so I joined. I gotta admit, Buck really knows how to throw parties. So it was kind of like a really long end of the year celebration that started on the night of the 3oth and supposedly ended in the 1st of January. It might have ended later. I don't know I didn't stay to find out.

So you can basically get the picture of the next four or maybe five hours. I frankly don't remember and maybe it's better that way. Only God knows what I did. Yikes. So finally, after there was nothing left for me to drink or party at for that matter, I headed home. Thank God I didn't drive. I would have killed myself. But anyway, I found a way to my house. When I got there, no one was home, which was a good thing since if Darry had saw me he would have killed me. He doesn't like when I get drunk but I can't help it. It's like smoking. It clears my mind. At least it's better than running away!

And so, I hit the pillow. And never knew anything about the party at my house or if there was even one. All I did was sleep. Yeah, way to end the year. But better doing something you love. Yeah people, I love sleeping. I guess that explains why, when I can, I wake up until almost past noon.