(Note from the author: I know it's been a long time, I apologyze. A friend of mine came up with a last minute trip and I was like what the hell, let's go. So yeah. But, to make it up to you, here is a super long post just for you, my dear readers. Enjoy! +D)
I drove and drove, no particular destination, no where to go but forward. All I wanted to do was get away, as far away as possible. The hours went by and the rain overshadowed me with its warmth. I didn't notice. Everything was intramuscular. Time didn't exist. A million things went through my mind but only one had my absolute attention. Why had I been scared? Why was I running away? Tears where streaming down my cheeks, blurring my view. I brushed them away. Tears that seemed to never come where now shadowing my senses, my feelings. Everything was cold. Everything was dark.
I turned to look at the fuel. Fifty miles to go and I was running low on gasoline. I didn't care. I will stop whenever the car did. It gave in eventually. I was pushing it too far. A car that can only go to sixty miles an hour (I had borrowed it from my old friend Talan). I stopped at an little inn just a mile from the Nebraska border. I was that far. I walked in, wet and in tears and headed to the bathroom. I was puking my guts out. I was really feeling bad. When I came out, after I had done what was humanly possible to not look like shit, because I did, I sat down at the bar and asked for some water. A lady sitting next to me asked me if I was ok. When I looked at her, though I wanted so hard to say yes or lie for that matter, I just burst into restless cries and rested my head in her shoulder. She rubbed my shoulder and hummed to me as if I was her daughter instead of a complete stranger. When I calmed down she asked again and I told her everything that had happened and how I felt like the biggest asshole in the planet. It turns out she was the owner of that little inn, and her along with her husband, the bartender, offered me to stay with them, since my car broke down and your little friend forgot to bring money with her. I was not thinking straight, alright!
The third day of my stay, I was starving but a) nothing seemed appealing and b) I had no money to buy it. It turns out, you need money to buy food. -.- So I just drank my weight in water every day, which you will find out later was not a good idea. Of course, I could have simply just asked for a loan to the owners, but I felt like they had done so much for me already that I really didn't want to bother them. Idiot. I spend most of my time in my given room, thinking. At first the more I thought about what had happened, the more painful it felt. Believe me, I felt like the only thing I ever did was dissapoint people. I had fallen in some sort of depression in which the only thing I did was sleep and cry, nothing else, and believe me, nothing else. In such state, several unpleasant thoughts, that have no particular use in being repeated, I decided to change something about myself. I took a long cold shower and once I was done, since I had my hair perfectly wet, I decided to cut it. Short. It now runs barely just above my shoulders. It sent some sort of sick relief through my veins, since it was the only thing I could cut without hurting myself. That's how mentally unstable I was. At the fifth day, Jill, the owner, just had enough of it and literally had to drag me out. She offered me a job, just to clear my head a little. It seemed like a good idea, I did need the money. But even so, the only thing that seemed edible was water. I'm going to tell you something, waitressing is NOT in my future. I already have some attitude myself, I don't need others'.
And the days went by. I was living life in some sort of zombie state. It was mortifying, specially to the people around me. I could tell my physical condition wasn't improving. I was puking almost every day and I looked pale and tired. The mortifying part was, I wasn't doing anything about it. I didn't know what to do, so I called someone who I knew would tell me the things how they are without sympathy or that shit. I called Carson. "Hello?" She said . "Carson, it's me, Kitty." "Kitty? Where the hell are you? We have been worried sick about you!" "Yeah, I know its been a while." "Just a while?! Kitty, its been a month!" A month? For real? Fuck my life. "Oh. Okay." She sighed. "Kitty, when are you coming back?" I sighed and closed my eyes, feeling hot tears forming in my eyes. "That's sort of what I wanted to talk to you about." There was a long silence, but I could sense the anxiousness in her voice. I took a deep breath. "Carson, what should I do?" I asked hopeless and well, defeated. "I'm going to ask you a question. Kitty, are you ready to get married?" I opened my eyes and looked down, fighting to keep the tears back. "Well if I say yes I'm an idiot, right?" She chuckled. "You'll be an idiot anyway, but if you say you're not ready to get married, well, you're a fool too." And I snapped out of it. "Carson, thank you. Don't worry, I'll be home soon." I said and hunged up. It dawned on me. Everything. I was scared because getting married was a commitment. It was one step to growing up and when you grow up, your heart dies. I was scared because that meant that I had not only to look after myself, but after someone else too. I was responsible not only for my actions but for someone else's too. I'd have to figure out everything adults did. I couldn't just be a reckless seventeen year-old anymore. I had to take some responsibility because this time, it wasn't only about me, and that really scared the shit out of me.
I said goodbye to Jack and Jill, packed my things and just drove all the way back from where I came from. It took me more time to get to Tulsa than I had expected. Probably because I was anxious to get there, unlike when I had been anxious to get the hell out of there. It felt weird when I parked the car in front of my house, my home. I got my things out and walked to the door. The moment I opened the door and Darry, Soda, Pony, and Katie saw me, I was attacked by the beasts. Soda was the first to reach me. He grabbed me in a huge hug that literally strangled the life out of me. Darry joined in and I was gasping for oxygen. I didn't remember them being so damn strong or maybe I was just to weak to resist the placed strengh in my body. "Oh Kitty, we where worried sick."Katie said. "Where the hell where you?" Ponyboy asked from somewhere. "I..." But I couldn't continue because by this point I WAS suffocating. "Let the poor girl breath, boys." Katie said with a smile. They let go and she hugged me. I hugged her tight too. When I turned to face my family, they all looked at me in shock. "Kitty, what happened to you?" Darry asked. I had cut my hair, lost eight and half pounds (this is why you shouldn't drink more than two litters of water a day. It can be bad for you.), and I looked pale and sick. "Nothing Darry, I'm fine." I lied...again. He, of course, gave me 'the look'. "Go rest, we'll talk about this tomorrow." He said. I nodded and headed to my room. Before I could reach it, he added. "I'm glad you're home little sister. I missed you. We all did." I smiled and locked the door after me. Oh comfort of my bed. I'll never leave you again.
The next day I woke up at around noon. I took a cold shower and got dressed. Nobody was home so I decided to just make something simple for breakfast. It was a bad idea. I couldn't get myself to eat more than half an apple. -.- I had to check on that later. I grabbed the phone and called Blair. "Yo." "Hey B, it's Kit." "Kit!!! You're alive! You didn't get eaten by radioactive leprecons!" ... "Yeah, anyway. Um, do you know where is Two-Bit?" "Yeah. He's down at Buck's. Why?" I took a deep breath. "Cause I need to see him." I said and hunged up. I got inside the car and drove as fast as I could to Buck's. Though I was nervous and kind of scared to face him after what had happened, I was more anxious to see him. I parked where it looked like it was a parking spot and I raced inside to look for him. He wasn't that hard to find. He was sitting at the bar, doing nothing. "Yes!!!" I said as soon as I reached him. The entire room went dead silent, for I had yelled a little bit more loudly than I had originally planned. Two-Bit turned to look at me. Confusion, surprise, and happiness all bottled up in his eyes. "Kitty?" I took a step towards him. "Two-Bit, when times are cloudy there's no certany in what seems to be the right choice. You're torn in a battle between your head and heart. Love is a powerful thing, that can bring the best and worst out of you. And that really scares the hell out of us. But it is worth it, that's what makes it so tricky. It's magic when you share it with someone. Fireworks at night, warmth in the winter, and a smile on a bad day. But when you're young and innocent, they all tell you it ain't love what you feel, and though you know it's real, you believe them. You run away from it and fight it." There was a short silence as I took a deep breath and looked directly at his beautiful gray eyes. Completely unaware of the several eyes placed upon me, I continued. "Two-Bit, I just spend a month of my life trying to figure out what I already knew. I love you. Only you. You make so unbelievably happy. No one can make me smile like you do or get me like the way you do. You turn my world upside down and I don't mind. You make my heart beat fast and slow down at the same time. You make me so crazy and hopelessly in love with you. Two-Bit, I want to spend forever with you." I said and as the words sunk in on both of us, he smiled took out the beautiful ring from his pocket and placed it on my finger. "Kitty, all I have ever wanted to do was make you feel as happy and in love as you make me feel. Thank you for making me the grand honour of marrying me." And then we kissed and it was a long, passionate, and sencire kiss.
