A Glass Splinter Making Its Way Into Your Heart

I did something bad today. Something that I know I shouldn't have done. I didn't kill anyone, if that is what you're thinking. I would never do anything like that. Murder is a violation to nature. But I did something that I was told not to by my better judgement.

I have spend the last three days in the hospital. Only going out for school or when I really really need to be home. It's killing me. Soda has not smiled, or eaten, or slept in this three days and it's worrying. Katie has been crying herself out to the point where no more tears are to be expected. I feel horrible. They are crushed and broken. I hate this. I hate it with all my being. It hurts. Not just in the heart. It's a soul hurt. A real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart-pain. And I wonder, what did we do to deserve this? I would trade everything to make this pain go away. Even my own life. Katie has been sleeping most of the time, but she even cries in her sleep. It's just been Sodapop and me, and every once in a while someone from the gang. I need to be there for them. I know it's not my fault but I feel like in some part it is. Because I wasn't pleased with the idea of them having a baby in the first place. I didn't like it. I wanted it to go away. But then, I started to like it and I got exited when we named the baby and I wanted Snow to be born already so I could spend endless hours of pure fun and be the best godmother I could be. And it's gone. And I want revenge. I want Bob to suffer. I want to take something from him just like he did to my brother and sister. I want him to be sorry for the rest of his life.

Today I couldn't take it anymore. After Steve and Two-Bit came over to be with Soda, I rushed off. Anywhere would be good. I walked around town for a while, cursing and kicking stuff like there was no tomorrow. When I reached the South Side and found myself in front of Bob's home, I decided it ends tonight. I hot-wired his car and out of anger and frustration, I crashed it into the house. It was stupid and totally dangerous. But I wanted so badly to take something away from him. To hit him where it hurted the most. I wanted pain from him. The speed at which the car was going made the impact worst. The glass broke and the motor shut down. I cried when I saw myself in the mirror withing scars and scratchs. And I rushed out of there. I watched from far as the police came and the family stood there. I saw Bob's face and I didn't feel any better. I felt worst. Nothing I ever do will make him feel the way I do. Nothing. And I hate it.

It's all over town. Socs versus Greasers. It's war.