A Gun And A Pack Of Sandwiches

I bet you're all wondering just where the hell Brookie and I am. Don't worry. She's fine. We both are.

To start this story, let's go back a few days ago, shall we? As most of you know, Ponyboy and I had an argument. Ok fine, a strong argument. I want to apologize to you Pony, I said things I shouldn't and I know that I can't take them back, but I wish I could. I was kind of sentimental and well, anything could have gotten me mad that day, and I know that is not an excuse, so I'm sorry. It isn't easy for me to apologize, but there it is. I'm sucking up all my stupid pride and saying it. Anyway, Ponyboy got all mad and decided to go to Texas, which, if I'm being honest, I got to say that was the most dramatic and stupid thing for you to do, but I guess I'm not in the position to be judgemental, since I also did some pretty shitty and stupid things this week. After the fight, the last thing I wanted to do was stay at my own house. The last thing I wanted to do was see my brothers and/or the gang. So I stayed over at Talan's for the night. He was surprised to see me there. He asked if everything was ok, since I probably looked like shit. But I wasn't crying. Maybe I was about to, but I wasn't. He got me a bed and stayed with me all night. I still can't figure out why I decided to stay with him and not with Mark. I mean, Talan's just my best friend, and Mark is my boyfriend. I dunno. He hugged me and held me close. He rubbed my shoulder saying everything would be ok. But I hadn't told him what had happened so I wasn't sure he meant it. Talan is an only child. He belongs to the upper middle class. His parents are really nice, they remainded me of mine. His mum showed so much careness for me, and for the first time in a long time, I really missed mine. I wish she was still alive, and dad too. But they aren't. When they died, I didn't cry. I just pretended they were on a trip and they would come back someday. I tried so much to not let it bother me. For the first days it was really difficult, but when you get used to not letting things bother you, when you're used to being alone, you start believing it. Being with Talan's family made me realize that, it does hurt. Everything. That it's ok, everything hurts, and there is nothing bad about it. It's part of being human. I was so touchy that day, I'm surprised my asshole self didn't lose it. It was nice to have the comfort. I owe them so much. When I told Talan everything that happened, even the stripper thing, he wasn't mad or angry, which only made me feel worse. Like he already expected that from me. I looked over at his eyes and he promised he would help me. I couldn't quite figure just what he wanted to help me with, but I didn't ask him. I was too tired and sad to ask. And soon enough, I felt asleep, in his arms.

The next morning I woke up earlier than usual, and I mean really earlier. The ones who know me know that I usually wake up on the weekend like at noon, but that day, I woke up probably around 7:30. His mother greeted me with homemade pancakes, and it felt nice. I didn't want to leave, but I couldn't hide forever. And I had to get home, or Darry would probably think I run away too. When I got to my house, Darry was making breakfast and Soda was with Katie waiting in the living room. I didn't look at neither of them, I just made my way to my room, but before I could get there, Darry took me by the arm and dragged me all the way to the kitchen. Katie excused herself and went over to her room with Jamie, and Soda joined us. Darry looked furious, and I looked scared. I had two things on my mind. Either he was mad because I didn't come home tonight and he knew about my fight with Pony, or he was mad because of the whole stripper thing. It was both. Shit. "What the fucking hell where you thinking KitKat! Not only was that the stupiest thing to do, but do you think I like my sister being a whore?! You're quitting that job right now, better off, we'll come with you and you're never, and mark my words, never in what's left of your life going to that fucking place again! And you're banned forever from alcohol!" I just looked down. If words could kill, I would have already been dead. I didn't say anything, and by the way he screamed at me, I thought he was going to hit me. And I wouldn't have mind him hitting me. Actually, I would have minded very much if that had been the only thing he had done to me. He didn't even say anything about Pony, he just said I was grounded for eternity plus one. Then, after breakfast, Soda and him took me to Buck's to make me quit. It wasn't a pretty scene, but I did what I was told. I have never been so ashamed in my entire life. I think I'm just going to hide for the rest of my life.

After I while, I tried to call Pony to apologized, and when I was finally able to reach him, I told him I was coming over to pick him up. I called Talan and asked him for his car. I didn't tell Darry or Soda. I bet they are going to kill me when I get home. But I don't care. I deserve it. I made a stop at the Cade's because I thought Brooke might want to come. And she did, without Johnny's permission. It isn't her fault. It is all mine and it is all mine responsibility. If anyone has an issue, you can all blame me. She's fine though. I'm taking good care of her. So we made our way to Dallas, Texas. It was a long trip, and it was dark when we got there. I started to look all over bars for Pony, since he told me that was where he worked. You can't imagine just how many freaking bars there are in Dallas. I mean, a city the twice the size of Tulsa, and it has two freaking bars together. Seriously. That night, we slept on the car, since we couldn't afford a room. I apologized to Brooke that I couldn't get her a bed to spend the night, but she kept saying that it didn't matter. I kept saying that it did. Then, it was Valentine's Day. I didn't mind spending it alone, but I was determined to find Pony so he could spend it with Brooke. It took us over five hours to finally find him. He turned out to work at the last bar in my list. Fuck life.

I only said one word to Pony on our way back. And that was "I'm sorry". I didn't think I deserved to talk to him. Brooklyn and him looked so cute together and I was glad they could spend the day together. I got messeages from Mark all the way, but I didn't answer any. I was too depressed and sad to. Finally, we arrived at Tulsa, and I took Brookie over to spend what was left of the day with Pony. When I got home, I was surprised Darry didn't yell at me, but I figured it was expressed all over my eyes that I was too scared and sad, so Soda told him to just lay off. I went to my room and tried to reach Mark, to at least tell him Happy Valentine's Day, since his stupid girlfriend didn't spend it with him. It took me over an hour to finally reach him. He didn't scream at me, but he did scoll me. Well, kinda. He told me he had been worried sick because out of nowhere I go missing. No phone calls, no texts, no nothing. He wished me Happy Valentine's Day and I apologized for ruining his day. He said that it didn't matter, he told me that we could still spend the day together, but I told him I couldn't, since I wasn't allowed to leave the house, and that's when I told him why I had gone missing. He didn't say it, but I'm sure I screwed whatever he had planned for me. I ran out of apologies. He hang up, saying he had to go to sleep and hopefully we'll see each other tomorrow. I hang up and then I said I loved him. I guess life does have a way to turn its back on you. Maybe tomorrow'll be another day. Hopefully.