Stop The Word! I Want To Get Off!

I'm angry at the world. I'm annoyed by the world. I'm pissed of at the world. And that means, pissed off at everything that makes up the world. You don't need to know why. I'm pretty sure you don't even care why, as long as it doesn't affect your lovely little bubble, everything can go to hell. Don't even bother asking, I'm not telling why. You already know. Life is a series of events, and mine have just been a series of unfortunate ones. Except certain exceptions that have make it a little bit brighter. I'm still trying to figure out the exact moment my life turn to a living hell. I just realize, I don't smile that much, or am as happy-go-lucky as I used to be. So what? There is nothing that worth making me happy again. I just got to stick to the fucking consequences and live as a different person.

I don't think I'm ever going back to Tulsa. Well, I don't want to go back to Tulsa. Luck isn't going to smile at me, so I'll have to eventually go back. I don't want to run away like some of you did, simply because I know that is not the way to deal with my problems. They are going to finally catch up with me. I seriously can't wait for them to finally do. I want out. Maybe it's true. Maybe all I want with this post is some fucking attention. But what's so wrong about that? Maybe I just want someone to hug me forever and say "we love you Kitty, you're important to us" but I know I'm the only one that truly believes that. Over the past few weeks, maybe months, I felt more alone than just being alone. Maybe that's the reason I done some pretty fucking things. I know my stupid problems aren't as bad as others, but they are hurting me, and maybe, just maybe, this time it's about me. Repeating. What's so wrong about that? I haven't done something truly special for me in years. Ever since my parents died I given so many things to bong my family closer. I have make so many sacrifizes that I bet you don't even know about. And you don't need to know about them, because I don't need someone to recognize my efforts so it would make me feel better. I just need someone to pay attention to me once in a while.

I don't know where my life is going to go, or what I want to do with it. I don't even know if I want to find out, but right now I just want to hide under a rock and not go out. Yes, I'm in California, and I'm with Two-Bit, and I love him very much, more than he will ever know, and I'm not breaking up with him or anything, I want to stay with him forever, but right now, I want to be alone. Alone. In all the sense of the word. I don't want you to feel bad for me. I just want... I don't know what I want, but I want something. Pretty messed up huh? There isn't anything left that I really want to say. This is just how I feel and I hope at least some of you will understand.