Laughin' Like It Works. Bleeding Like It Don't Hurt.

"I have to go now. Two-Bit's waiting for me and I don't like to be late." I said, turning towards the door. "Kitty." Sandy whipered patiently. "I'm sorry, but I really have to go. Jelly's out, Two-Bit needs to eat and I-" Suddenly, I was pulled back. Sandy was grabbing my wrist firmly, almost too tight. She stared at me intently. "Two-Bit can wait. This is more important." I sighed. I grabbed my jacket and put it on, caressing my arms in search for warmth. It wasn't even that cold, but I was freezing. "C'mon Kitty, talk to me. I don't judge." Sandy said but I wasn't listening. I paced around the room, towards the window. It was raining outide. Countless drops of water outside the crystal frame. You could almost gaze at your own reflection. "What good does talking do?" I said softly. "Lies, lies, lies. Tell me one thing and I'll twist it into a bitter lie." I sighed and slowly turned around. Leaving handprint on the window. "You really want me to tell you? I have no idea what the fuck am I doing. I really thought I had it under control. There are days when it's all fireworks and rockets around glitter. Everything's just perfect. I'm happy. But there are days when I'm not okay. When it hurts too much and there's no fucking off-botton." I took a deep breath. "It's gotten worst. I'm cold all the fucking time. I'm depressed. I'm sad. I can't sleep at night and there is always something that haunts me." I sniffed. "I can't hide it as well as I used to. Two-Bit sees right through me. He knows I'm not okay, but he doesn't want to talk about it. You know, I never truly understood the power of words till I looked him straight in the eye and lied." I sat down next to Sandy. "It's been the cause of several nasty fights between my brothers. Soda says that the only way I'll recover is by actually wanting to. But Darry is done putting up with it. He gave me an ultimatum. Either go to a treatment center or uh, stop hanging out with the rest of the gang." Sandy frowned for a moment. "Is he really gonna do that?" I shrugged. "I don't know. He was pretty serious about it." We stood there silent for long minutes. I was battling different thoughts in my head. A never-ending parade of 'is it worth it?'. Masochism on full speed. And a tough balance between either choice. "You know, maybe I'll just check in at a treatment center, get everyone off my back." Sandy looked at me uneasily. "I'm not telling you any more. I've done said enough." I said.
The next day I honked and waited for Sandy to come out. "What the fuck, Kitty?" She said. "If I'm doing this then you are too." And it took a dead glare from Mrs. Kitty Curtis-Mathews for Sandy to gulp and get in the passenger's seat. We mostly drove in silence. I wasn't in the mood for any talking and Sandy didn't seem up to breaking it either. Ten blocks down and she finally spoke. "Are you really sure about this?" I just gave her a look. "Okay..." Two more blocks of silence and I answered her question. "It's not a permanent thing. My plan is just to get this over with so Darry calms down and then you know-" I wasn't up to finishing that sentence. When we finally got there, Sandy followed me as I made my way to the front desk. After two hours of waiting, which is the worst thing they can do, we both got called up. I wasn't in the mood for any drama, so I just got in to do whatever it is that they wanted me to do. Another hour went by when I met Sandy outside. "So?" She asked. I shrugged. "Same old, same old." I was about to head back to the car when Sandy stepped in front of me. I looked down at her, towering her again, which I only do when I'm really pissed off. "What? That at eighteen, being 5'10 and weighting 88 pounds is the right path down to hell?" Sandy stared at me for a moment and I brushed it off. "Whatever." And I headed toward the car, brochures and a program in hand.