Oh Two-Bit, Can't You See? I'm In Misery.

Smile and nod. Smile and nod. Smile and nod. Why couldn't I fucking do that? I'm such and idiot. It was just that simple. 'Yes.' Was that really so hard to say? Was it?! Ugh. I want to hit myself. Seriously.

To all you readers that have no hell of an idea what I'm talking about and before you arose to your conclusions, here is the whole freaking story.

So I was chilling with Two-Bit on my couch watching Mickey Mouse on TV, as you obviously now know, when he started to pace around the room. I looked at him raising an eyebrow and swallowing hard because, I mean, people start to pace around when they got something to say to you and when people say 'we've got to talk' it usually doesn't mean anything good. But now that I think about it, I wouldn't have minded cause it would have been like a thousand times better than what I did. He stopped pacing and looked at me, happiness clear in his eyes. He put his hand on his pocket looking for something and when he finally found it, he took out the last thing I will have ever thought he will take. A ring! And not just any ring, an engagement ring! It was the most beautiful piece of jewelry that I had ever seen. It was a 1920s one and a half karat diamond ring with sapphires at either side.



My mouth dropped open as I stared at the ring; mainly for two things. One, how could Two-Bit afford a ring like that and two, rings like this only meant one thing. He kneeled down in front of me and held the ring towards me. I was so shocked. I could not speak. Literally. "KitKat Sarah Curtis, since the moment I met you I knew you where to become a special person in my life. We grew up together. You're one of my best friends and I never would have thought that as time went on, I would fall in love with you. I want to make you as happy as you make me and I ask for you to agree to spend forever with me. This was my grandmother's ring. My grandparents where happily married for over fifty years. It's a family heirloom and I want to share it with you. So, Kitty, would you marry me?" And what do I do? I freak out. I fucking freak out!!! I stood there, completely froze and without knowing what to do or say.

I love Two-Bit, I do; I do so much that I will never want to hurt him but as I stood there, looking at his beautiful face, a million thoughts hit me. I am seventeen years-old. I depend legally on Darry to take care of me. I haven't even applied to collage. I am wild and reckless. I...I am not ready. I have pictured this moment like a million times, with all the different ways it could be and each of them as special as the other, I even practiced saying 'yes' in front of the mirror but at that moment it just didn't seem like the right thing to do. I guess I discovered no matter how much I lied to myself, I just wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. I could see that Two-Bit was fearing that the most and when I didn't say anything, his happiness that had been portrayed in his face, disappeared. "Two-Bit, I love you and I love that you want to marry me but. I...I'm just not ready for this kind of...commitment." I said between studders. He sighed and stood up, putting the ring back into his pocket. "I see." I wanted to slap myself. He tried not to show it but I could see he was broken hearted. Fuck this shit. He took a deep breath and kissed my cheek. "I guess I'll be seeing you then." He said. He turned around and just as he was about to leave, I reacted. "Two-Bit, wait! I'm not saying 'no', I'm just saying that I need some time to think. I mean, I'm only seventeen years-old. I don't know all the answers. Please." I said. Tears where starting to fill my eyes and I could hear my voice breaking. He turned around and tried to smile. "Sure, Kitty. Still, I need to go." He said and with that he left.

Where am I now? On the road. I need time to think, to get things straight. I need to run...away. I don't know where I'm going or how long will I be gone. I just need to leave. I'm sorry. I really am. I've been crying myself out and I never cry. You can just imagine how broken hearted I am. Please, please don't hate me. I beg of you. I love Two-Bit with all my heart and soul. I love him more than I love myself. I want to be with him forever, but not now. I just...please I don't expect you guys to understand but I'm asking for your forgiveness and to respect my decision. I'm not like the other girls. I don't just steal his heart then rip it apart. I hate myself for this but I need to do it.

I love you, Two-Bit Mathews. I'm so sorry.