Oh Two-Bit, Can't You See? I'm In Misery.

Smile and nod. Smile and nod. Smile and nod. Why couldn't I fucking do that? I'm such and idiot. It was just that simple. 'Yes.' Was that really so hard to say? Was it?! Ugh. I want to hit myself. Seriously.

To all you readers that have no hell of an idea what I'm talking about and before you arose to your conclusions, here is the whole freaking story.

So I was chilling with Two-Bit on my couch watching Mickey Mouse on TV, as you obviously now know, when he started to pace around the room. I looked at him raising an eyebrow and swallowing hard because, I mean, people start to pace around when they got something to say to you and when people say 'we've got to talk' it usually doesn't mean anything good. But now that I think about it, I wouldn't have minded cause it would have been like a thousand times better than what I did. He stopped pacing and looked at me, happiness clear in his eyes. He put his hand on his pocket looking for something and when he finally found it, he took out the last thing I will have ever thought he will take. A ring! And not just any ring, an engagement ring! It was the most beautiful piece of jewelry that I had ever seen. It was a 1920s one and a half karat diamond ring with sapphires at either side.



My mouth dropped open as I stared at the ring; mainly for two things. One, how could Two-Bit afford a ring like that and two, rings like this only meant one thing. He kneeled down in front of me and held the ring towards me. I was so shocked. I could not speak. Literally. "KitKat Sarah Curtis, since the moment I met you I knew you where to become a special person in my life. We grew up together. You're one of my best friends and I never would have thought that as time went on, I would fall in love with you. I want to make you as happy as you make me and I ask for you to agree to spend forever with me. This was my grandmother's ring. My grandparents where happily married for over fifty years. It's a family heirloom and I want to share it with you. So, Kitty, would you marry me?" And what do I do? I freak out. I fucking freak out!!! I stood there, completely froze and without knowing what to do or say.

I love Two-Bit, I do; I do so much that I will never want to hurt him but as I stood there, looking at his beautiful face, a million thoughts hit me. I am seventeen years-old. I depend legally on Darry to take care of me. I haven't even applied to collage. I am wild and reckless. I...I am not ready. I have pictured this moment like a million times, with all the different ways it could be and each of them as special as the other, I even practiced saying 'yes' in front of the mirror but at that moment it just didn't seem like the right thing to do. I guess I discovered no matter how much I lied to myself, I just wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. I could see that Two-Bit was fearing that the most and when I didn't say anything, his happiness that had been portrayed in his face, disappeared. "Two-Bit, I love you and I love that you want to marry me but. I...I'm just not ready for this kind of...commitment." I said between studders. He sighed and stood up, putting the ring back into his pocket. "I see." I wanted to slap myself. He tried not to show it but I could see he was broken hearted. Fuck this shit. He took a deep breath and kissed my cheek. "I guess I'll be seeing you then." He said. He turned around and just as he was about to leave, I reacted. "Two-Bit, wait! I'm not saying 'no', I'm just saying that I need some time to think. I mean, I'm only seventeen years-old. I don't know all the answers. Please." I said. Tears where starting to fill my eyes and I could hear my voice breaking. He turned around and tried to smile. "Sure, Kitty. Still, I need to go." He said and with that he left.

Where am I now? On the road. I need time to think, to get things straight. I need to run...away. I don't know where I'm going or how long will I be gone. I just need to leave. I'm sorry. I really am. I've been crying myself out and I never cry. You can just imagine how broken hearted I am. Please, please don't hate me. I beg of you. I love Two-Bit with all my heart and soul. I love him more than I love myself. I want to be with him forever, but not now. I just...please I don't expect you guys to understand but I'm asking for your forgiveness and to respect my decision. I'm not like the other girls. I don't just steal his heart then rip it apart. I hate myself for this but I need to do it.

I love you, Two-Bit Mathews. I'm so sorry.

It Doesn't Matter If You Can't Skate, Just Get Up And Skate

Today I was bored. Sodapop was getting ready to leave for that place he was going with Katie that I don't remember at this moment. Anyway, they where excited to be leaving and Darry took them to the airport along with tag-along Ponyboy. I wasn't in the mood to go. Mainly because I suck at the whole goodbye thing. So I just waved and smiled and hug before hand and watched as the truck drove away. It'd be a while before Darry and Pone would be home so I had the place to myself. It was cool at first. I was in my underwear singing at the top of my lungs "We Are Golden" but then my voice started to get scratchy and being half naked didn't seem as fun. So I got some clothes on and went to the fridge for a beer. Then it hit me. Who do we know uses beer as their signature? It took only a minute to run over to his place and wonder what he was doing. He never locks so I just burst in like he does all the time. "I'm home!" I called. Two-Bit walked over with Blaze in his arms trying to get him go get to drink his milk. "Hey." He said. His usual grin wasn't as cheerful as always, as a matter of fact it was nervous. I was pretty sure it was a sign to indicate he had no hell of an idea what he was doing. I couldn't help but laugh. "Blair made you babysit again?" "It isn't funny and yeah." I laughed even harder. "Actually little buddy, it is." Two-Bit tried to give the bottle to the baby but was shaking so bad he spilled it over him. Blaze started to cry. "Shit." As much as I was enjoying the site, Two-Bit did look miserable. I couldn't just let him suffer that way. "Here, let me help you." I took Rhiley in arms and calmed him down while Two-Bit went to refill the bottle. I shook Blaze gently and stroke him. I got him to stop crying. "You're really good at it." Two-Bit said handing me a bottle. "Yeah, too bad I'm not interested in it." I said. After a while, we got Blaze calm enough and he fell asleep. "Hey, want to hit the mall or something?" I asked. "What did the mall ever do to you?" He said. I hit him with a pillow. "Shut up, ape face." He grinned his now usual grin. "I'd like that but what we do about the baby." "We bring him along." "Really? But I don't know how to take care of him there." "You won't. I will. 'Cause I'm teaching you how to really roller skate."

We got ourselves some skates and went to the mall. We started to skate through the halls, well, I skated, Two-Bit more like just glided, and I held Blaze in one of those baby holders that you wrap around yourself. Yes Blair, I was careful. Geez. So anyway, I skated by the side of Two-Bit pushing him forward because he was stubborn to keep himself at the lowest speed possible. "Why exactly are we doing this?" He asked nervous, trying really hard to keep his balance. "So you won't embarrass me again." I winked. "Look, this is a tough one, you gotta watch out." I said as I pointed to the separation of hallways. I moved to the left side quickly, just before hitting the stairs. Two-Bit, on the other hand, wasn't as fast. He got trapped and skated down the stairs not able to hold himself. He moved with the speed generated from the fall and glidded through the first floor. All you could see from upstairs was a greaser knocking people and he even pushed an old lady into a fountain. Ouch. "Better go help your uncle." I told Rhiley. I took up some speed, jumped into the stair's rail, and glidded downstairs, doing a flip before landing on the floor. It is way easier with no baby, I now see that. "Two-Bit." I called looking for knocked away people to make sure I was on the right path. People where shooting me mean looks. As if it had been me the one that had pushed them aside, but whatever. I didn't care. Poor Two-Bit was screaming at the top of his lungs. Haha! Finally, he was able to stop when he knocked a pile of books and pissed off the guy on the counter.

"Two-Bit, are you ok?" I asked as I pulled the skates to the side so I could stop. The guy on the counter walked over to me. "Is he your friend?!" He asked indignant. "Yeah, sorry about that, it's his first time." I said trying to help clumsy over here, not meeting the guy's eyes until I looked up. His face lit up and he kind of smiled nervously when he saw me. "What?" I asked. "Um look, everything's ok, he didn't break anything but, I was wondering, my break starts in ten minutes, would you let me invite you a drink?" I was kind of hopping that a certain reject here would come to his senses and kick the guy. "Sorry but the guy laying here is my boyfriend." I said proudly at the word 'boyfriend'. Yay. "Oh." He said and walked away. "How rude." I murmured to myself as I helped Two-Bit. "Rude what?" "Oh, nothing. Want to give it another try?" I asked. I swear I heard Blaze chuckle but I was sure it was just the alcohol from before playing tricks with my mind. "Um, why?" He said. I shot him a look but was only teasing him, though he thought we where kidding. "Sorry, I mean, sure." I smiled. "Ok, we start with basics, I skate around, you try to catch me." Well, it turned out to be quite more different and difficult than I had originally planned.

It turned out our skating around was disturbing the public peace. Damn those cops. They made us leave the mall or be forced into the station and since I'm only seventeen and still at risk of getting split up if we cause police trouble, I had to refrain from giving a piece of my mind. Two-Bit and I went over to his place and continued to take care of Blaze because he was scared shitless to be left with him alone again. I don't think he really is. I mean sure he may not know everything, but when it comes to love and affection and all that unsaid stuff, he is a natural. Cutie. Well, it turns out Blaze now also likes Mickey Mouse. Le sigh. He even started discussing episodes with the baby as if Rhiley understood half the things he said. Lol. Still, even if he's not in his right mind, I love that apeface to dead. Obviously Rhiley Blaze. ;)

Looking For Treasure In The Things That You Threw

I kidnapped Katie. I'm so bad. Muahahahaha. I had to do it, especially now since they are leaving Friday to God knows what remote corner of this freaking planet. So anyway, yesterday I slept at two in the morning talking to Two-Bit on the phone and was very tired to wake up early. Well, I'm always tired to wake up early but this time I had a perfectly valid excuse. Just because you don't have a girlfriend you want to talk to every effing minute possible Darry, doesn't mean that the rest of us don't. Apparently he didn't thought my excuse was valid. Whatever. I did what I wanted anyway. Once I was up but not fully awake, I took a long cold shower and ate a piece of bread. I wasn't really that hungry and chocolate cake in excess makes me want to puke. Katie was making waffles or something because she does agree with me. Say no to chocolate cake! Anyway, I offered to help and unlike the rest of you, she let me. And on my defense I didn't burn anything this time! Geez, you guys have so little faith in me. -.-

Once I was able to convince a certain Peeboy that he was going to eat what I made either he liked it or not, Katie and I went on for little adventure around town. First we went window shopping. I had seen an advertisement for Banana Republic and decided to check it out. It turns out there is no Banana Republic in Tulsa, not even a freaking Gap! False advertisement. Grrrr. So we had to settle with what we could find on Main Street. For all of you boys that don't know what window shopping is, it is when you try on clothes but don't buy them. We could have shoplifted a few but Katie said no and well, she took away the fun. But whatever. After that we went for a little ice cream and Randy and company where there. Of course Katie held tight of my hand as she saw Bob's friends. We just walked away. I don't think Katie wanted to fight and if I gave the first punch I wouldn't be able to stop. Self-discipline. Exhale, inhale.

So we got our ice creams and as we walked through town several perverted males wholf whistled at us, which was so disturbing. But we decided to take that into our advantage. Remember, it's me, anything can happen. We found some pieces of cardboard and we wrote 'Hugs $3.00'. Surprisingly it worked! Easy money. After like an hour or so, we gained approximately seventy-five dollars. We charged extra for pictures. Lol. I'm not on my right mind, now I realize that. Then we got hungry, so we decided Chinese! Though we did have money to pay for it, we thought, well, I thought it be more fun if we tried to get away without paying, which we didn't. That's why we spend the next two hours cooking and cleaning in the restaurant. It was fun! We met a guy called Hiroshi Chi Sang or whatever that taught us the art of making sushi, which was confusing since it was supposed to be a Chinese restaurant not Japanese. I am never in my life eating raw fish, seaweed, and rice. Ewwwwwww.

I had only one eternal purpose with this day, besides spending time with my sister-in-law, it was brightening Katie's heart. I hope it did. I had so much fun!

Won't Seventeen Forever And We Can Get Away With This Tonight

I'm in love wiht the boy of my dreams!!! Yeah, I wanted to shout that out to the world. I love him. I guess you could say a little too often, a little too much, and a little more each day. Everything that makes absoluteley no sense in a logical manner, with him seems perfectly fine. He makes me feel like a greek goddess. Goddess Kittlatian of Awesomeness. It's real. I know it is. I can feel it. Every time I look at him, my world stops and my heart races and slows down at the same time. He has me wrapped around his finger. Something no one else has ever achieved. He is worth it. We are worth it. Him and me everyday.

Last night was completely and absolutely amazing. With everything that has been going on, I have hardly found time to have Two-Bit to myself. I'm not sharing him anymore bitches, he's meine! lol. Yesterday we decided to hang out. He came by around five in the afternoon and waited for me patiently as I got dressed and put my makeup on. I put on a dress. Yeah! A dress. It was knee lenght and was black with blue. I looked cute. He took me dancing. I couldn't believe it. Two-Bit Mathews took me dancing. It was cute the way he couldn't dance at all, so I had to teach him. Imagine a 6'2 greaser learning how to waltz. You guys would have laughed your heads off. After it got dark, we hanged around town, holding hands, wrapped around a comfortable silence and genuine smiles. So there we went us cuties, and as I'm writting this I'm smiling at myself. Why? A million and one reasons. But the most importantly, he makes me happy. Truly happy. More happy than a bird with a french frie. More happy than Soda growing a normal size penis. Oh my god. :D

So as we walked around town, Two-Bit had an idea. He turned towards me, placed his hands around my shoulder and whispered in my ear. "I gotta show you something." He said. I gave him a half sexy smile. "And what is that?" I asked. He grabbed my hand tight. "Follow me into the sunset!" He said with a heroic tone, kind of like when Buzz goes 'to infinity and beyond'. We ran for God knows how many miles and I started to wonder where the hell was he taking me. Finally, after twenty minutes and thirty miles later, we arrived at this place out of town with a semi big lake. He started to take his jacket off, his Mickey Mouse shirt, and shoes. He hanged from a rope attached to a tree and swing himself forward and splashed in the water. Of course I had to take a step back or I'll get soaked. "Hey fatty, leave some water to the rest of us." I said laughing. Two-Bit swimmed towards me. "Get in the water." I chuckled. "I spend like half an hour doing my hair. I'm not going into the water." I said. Two-Bit just grinned. "Baby, please get in the water." I curtsy. "I don't think so, unless of course you got something worth in returned." Two-Bit wondered for a minute. "Oh c'mon Kitty. We won't be young forever and we can get away with this tonight." I laughed and took my shoes off. I ran towards the rope, swing a little and then splashed into the water. "There. Are you happy now?" I asked as we looked at each other face to face. Oh my those eyes. Those gray beautiful eyes. I want to melt. "Always." He said. I splashed him. "You're such a corny gay guy." I said. He splashed back. "True, but you love me anyway." We continued to splash each other until we where so close to each other that we kissed. Those kisses. The unexpected ones that come at random moments, those that are feeled with sparks and make fireworks sparked all over, those are the truly special ones. The unexpected, cute, innocent, adorable, yet sexy type of way.

We swam for most of the night, until it was probably around midnight. "We better get back." I said in a whisper. "I don't want a certain someone sending the FBI after me." Two-Bit pulled the hair out of my face and we kissed one more time. "You're right. He'll skin me too. Not that it's not worth it." I splashed him with water. "C'mon, let's go." When we arrived at the house, we where still soaking wet and yes, Darry was still up talking with Katie and Sodapoppers. We both walked in silently. "Oh, there you are." He said and his smile started to fade as he saw our apperances. "What happened to you two? Kitty, where you been and why are you wet?" I grinned. "I guess if I told you we accidentically fell inside a lake you wouldn't believe me." I said. "What? You're going to get a cold for God's sake, go change." Katie, my hero, stepped in. "Hey Darry, it's not that bad. I mean, they are perfectly safe. Maybe yeah a bit wet, but nothing that won't be solved with a simple change of clothes." I kissed her in the cheek. "I love you sister." Two-Bit and I walked towards my room and as I was changing into a pajama's pants and a black tank top, I walked out to ask my brother something. "Hey Soda, you don't mind that Two-Bit borrows some of your clothes right?" I asked. "Um, yeah I would." "Ok, thanks." I walked over to Two-Bit. "He says it's ok."

So we got dry and then we cuddled together in my bed, with the door closed but not locked. Locked door and two teenagers = bad things. lol. "Why can't we stay like this forever?" I said as my head rested in his chest, feeling his every breath and every beat of his heart. His hand around my shoulder, carressing my skin, felt warm. "You want that, Kitty? Spend forever with me?" I smiled and hugged him right. Oh my. I would love to. But I didn't say that. I just smiled and kissed his hand. Then, we both fell asleep. A dream within a dream.