Where Did All The Flowers Go?

I finally broke. I've been living like a crystal ball, and Sunday night, it took one more hit for it to brake into tiny pieces. The pieces of my heart. So Bob got to me. I swear, I'm never been in this kind of pain. Not even when my parents died. Now I know what Johnny and Jell-O really went through. If you haven't expirenced it, then you have no hell of an idea how it feels. It's nothing that I can describe. No physical pain can compare to it. Actually, I wouldn't mind going through physical pain if it can be exchange for what I felt and still feel. Even now that it's over, I don't think I can ever go back to being the same person. When the crystal ball broke, the tiny pieces where spread across the ground. I could hurt myself trying to get them all back together but in the end, I know that no matter how much I try, their will always be pieces missing. It would not be the same. It's slowly healing, but it did that much damage. I'm not thinking about revenge right now. Maybe later, but I could never do what Bob did. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. However, no matter what, I promise myself I will not let him touch anyone else. I don't want you guys to go through this. Not over my dead body. It's a horrible feeling.

After it was all over, I went straight to the only place where I knew I could forget about it all. I walked silently to Buck's place and sat down at the counter. I laid my head over the table and tried my best to calm the silent sobs and tears that where streaming continiously off my eyes. I didn't want to go through this. I wanted it to end. After possibly half an hour of cries and pain, I called Dally. He's now my official drinking buddy. He made me feel better the last time I was down, so I figured he could do it again. He took around ten minutes to get there, but he got there, that was all that mattered to me. He found me in cries. At that moment, I didn't care that you don't cry in front of Dallas Winston, or that I don't cry at all, I was feeling like shit and I had total right to let it show. "Hey, are you okay?" He asked. I didn't turn to look at him. I had my face buried within my arms. "Yeah, I'm just crying because it's fun." I said between sobs. Dallas placed his hand on my shoulder and patted it. "Is there anything I can do to, uh, help?" He said. I turned to look at him. "Probably, but you won't be able to do it so just order something strong and all that." I said. He nodded and I think he ordered vodka or something. I didn't really payed attention. He looked at me as I drank the whole thing in a sip. "Thought you didn't drink on an empty stomach anymore." I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, well, special occation." I said and took his glass too. He didn't seem to mind and even if he did, I didn't care. "Kit, what's hanging?" He said. Before I answered him, I motioned the bartender to get another round. After drinking the third glass, I turned to pay attention to him. "You want to kill Bob?" I said and I meant it. He looked slightly confused but nodded. "Yeah, why?" I sniffed quietly but controlled my sobs. "Let's just say you now have another reason to hate him." He kept staring at him as I continued to drown myself with whatever was in my cup. "Fuck this." I murmured. "Can I have a decent beer?" I asked/commanded the bartender. I turned to look at Dallas who waited for an answer. "If you expect me to tell you the tale you can forget it. Just kill him." He sighed and asked for something to drink too. We where silent for a few minutes. It was getting awkward but I was too depressed to do anything about it.

"Can I help you?" I asked out of the blue. Dally frowned and put his drink on the counter. "Nah." I scoffed. "Why the hell not?" He rolled his eyes. "Because killing the bastard would mean using guns and blades." "So?" I honestly didn't see the problem with that. I couldn't think of that being any worst that this. "I don't want you getting killed too, Kit." I sighed and took the guy sitting next to me's drink. Whatever he was drinking tasted like shit. What a pussy. "He hurt me. I want to hurt him back." I said. I was starting to get dizzy but I didn't care. "No. I don't want to be the one to tell your brothers." I rolled my eyes. As if I hadn't heard that before. "Whatever."

After three more beers and I think four rounds of shots, I still couldn't feel better. It was annoying me. I groaned desperately. "Oh, is there something there to knock me out cold?" It was a rhetorical question, but I half-expected an answer. Dallas nodded and grinned. "Yeah. Roofies." I turned to look at him with interest. "I want that." I said without thinking. I had no idea what the hell that was but it sounded like it could do the job. "No." I swear I almost hit him with my bottle. "Why the fuck not?!" I was starting to get angry at him or annoyed. Whatever feeling implicates wanting to beat his ass. "Because it's a drug." He said taking his final drink of his shot. Honestly, I was surprised. In what is left of my innocence, I actually thought Roofies was an alcoholic beverage, not a drug. I thought about it for a moment. Getting drunk off my ass didn't seem to get rid of the pain, and I know I'm against drugs, but if it could get the job done, what the hell. I stood up and started asking around the Roofie. Someone in this bar HAD to have drugs with them. That's what I really hope. Finally, after making a fool of myself to God knows how many guys, I got it. I walked back to where Dallas was with a trimphuant stupid smile on my face. I didn't hesitate to put the round pill on my glass and without stopping to think about it, I drank it all in a sip. Don't dare blame Dallas for it, because a) I had gotten him drunk enough for him to not do anything and b) I would have ignored him anyway.

It took a few minutes for the drug to kick in, but when it did, I got really dizzy and fell of my chair. For all of you who don't know, Roofies can cause temporary ammenisa and complete knock out. I got the ammenisa part. Apparently God doesn't love me enough to knock me out cold, but I guess temporary memory loss was ok too. Dally helped me up as I started laughing stupidly. I couldn't remember who I was, where I was, or what the hell had happened earlier. It all seemed like a blurry dream. So I thought I had just woked up, given the scenery at where I was, it didn't surprise me. "Woah. Are you ok?" I turned to look at him, pulling him away from me. "And who the hell are you?" He grinned. "I'm Dallas Winston." Again with the stupid laugh. "Oh, you mean Dallas as in Texas!" He chuckled mockingly. "No, Dallas as in your boyfriend." I smiled. "Oh, is that so? Wait, and who am I?" I was really confused and dizzy and wanted to puke my guts out, but I fought the feeling. "You're KitKat." That was probably the most shocking realization of the moment. "KitKat? Do I have a pet name? Something less chocolately?" Dallas chuckled again. Glad to know I was your personal joker, buddy. -.- "Kit." Now that made me feel better. He took my hand and we walked out. He took me to his apartment and sat me down on the couch. "Can I get you anything?" "Yeah, some aspirins and something to drink." No surprise he got me beer or something and the aspirins. Now, it's really REALLY bad to mix drugs with alcohol. Just saying. 'Cause I sure as hell didn't know that then.

From what I can remember, we didn't do anything. I mean, he tried to, but at the end he stopped and told me he wasn't my boyfriend. I don't know about you but that's a really big step for Dally. I congratulate you buddy. I know he's not that maybe he doesn't dig feelings, but he digs loyalty. Thanks buddy, I appreciate it. Anywho, he took me to his bed where the best part of the drug kicked in. I was knocked out cold in no time. When I woke up the next day, I felt like shit. Horrible shit, but better than last night. After I woke up Dally, he walked me home. I swear Darry looked scared out of his senses when he saw me. I was/am completely out of shape. Ugh. He hugged me though, wanting to make sure I was fine. I said I was better, which is not a lie. It's slowly slowly, really damn slowly healing. I guess I'll get better physically in no time, but mentally or emotionally, it will take time, especially since I came to actually believe what Bob said. That I do now or not, I don't know. I guess I still do. After the hug, I was instructed/ ordered to go straight to my room to lie down. I didn't argue. It may take time, but I'll get better, especially when I got all you awesome people to help me. Thanks guys. I love you all.